The Misinterpretation of the American Dream

Okay it’s that time of year again. The time when we look back at what you liked from the 68,671 words I published in 2025.

There were three clear winners that got you fired up, starting with What Makes Life Meaningful?This piece questioned why America is only the 23rd happiest country on earth. We even got beat by Israel and Iceland. But, why?

Historically our individual happiness followed a U-shaped curve. Happier in our carefree youth, tougher during middle age, and happy again later in life. But, today, that U-shape has flattened. It’s caused the happiness curve to become more of a line (see below). But, why?

First, the US continues to face challenges with trust in institutions. Whether it’s big tech, big Pharma, corporate media or the ass-clowns in Washington, DC, we simply don’t trust as much as we used to.

Second, income inequality is growing during a period of historic prosperity. A lot of people are feeling like everyone is getting rich while they fall further and further behind. We assume our neighbors are a whole lot more successful than we are. It’s not true and it makes us riddled with envy.

Third, our collective mental health needs a check up. Younger Americans aren’t getting a driver’s license, interacting with friends, drinking alcohol or having sex as much as earlier generations. You know, all the stuff that gets wasted on younger folks.

Most importantly, the high-speed, competitive culture of the US often prioritizes success, productivity and individualism - often at the cost of our own well-being. That high speed, competitive spirit often provides us with our only sense of purpose and meaning—which isn’t healthy.

A byproduct is that culture is that young adults are not interested in having children. Instead of birthday parties and Little League games, younger adults are opting for bottomless mimosa brunches and maximizing hotel and frequent flyer mileage programs. It was the subject of my second most popular column of 2025, Should You Even Have Children Today? 

Most couples today suggest that the cost of raising a child is just too high. Indeed, the Brookings Institute projects that the total cost of raising a child to age 18 reached $310,605 in 2025. Ouch.

And that’s coming through loud and clear in the data. The total fertility rate in the US has been below replacement for the past half century. Meaning that without immigration, our population will start to fall by the end of the century.

The simple truth is that having children isn’t for everyone. The critics are right; it’s expensive, stressful, and filled with opportunities to totally screw up another human being. I’m sure we both know a few folks who probably should have abstained from reproducing.

For most people, whether for good or bad, bringing a child into the world is a life-altering experience. It’s one of the few times when you instantly realize that life will never be the same. You can’t go back to being young and carefree. You have officially turned into your parents (see any Geico ad.)

There are definitely good days and bad days when it comes to being a parent. It’s not easy. For the vast majority who have children, few would turn back. Life becomes inexplicably richer and more joyful. And that joy has long been a key component of the American Dream.

In general, the American Dream is our collective belief that anyone can be successful in the United States. Historically that success has included things like going to college and earning an advance degree. I wrote about this in my third most popular column, What Exactly is The American Dream Today?

Today Americans assume that other people want to be rich, own a lot of luxury items, become famous and/or have impressive advanced degrees. But in reality those items fall way down the list-like at the bottom.

What really matters to Americans is doing work that has a positive impact on others, building towards financial independence, being a parent and trying to become debt-free at some point.

What ties my three most popular columns together is a quiet but powerful contradiction. We’re chasing the things we think we’re supposed to want, while neglecting the things that actually lead to the American Dream—and happiness. We assume other people are optimizing for money, status, and ease, so we follow suit—often against our better instincts. And in the process, we drift further from meaning, connection, and purpose. And that chase is messier than the college football playoffs.

The encouraging part is that this isn’t irreversible. The values are still there. They’ve always been there. People want meaningful work. They want stability. They want relationships that matter. They want to feel useful and needed. They want a life that adds up to something when they look back on it. 

The American Dream didn’t disappear—it just got buried under bad assumptions, louder incentives, and a culture that rewards Instagram images over substance. If we start chasing the right things that happiness curve will return and we’ll eventually start to climb ahead of Iceland and Israel on the happiness chart.

I’d love to hear what you think of this article. Leave me a message by clicking the link below. I promise that you’ll hear back from me cause, you know, I’m a real person and all.

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