Why Young Men Lost Interest in Having Sex

Over 60% of young men today have no interest in sex. Seriously? Are you joking?

It’s true. Young men today are more than twice as likely as young women to be unattached, asexual and lonely. The asexual trend applies to both heterosexual and LGB males.

If the 1960’s ushered in the sexual revolution, the 2020’s are ushering in the asexual revolution. In fact, there’s an entirely new sexual identification known as “Ace”. It’s for people who find all forms of sex repulsive.

So, what’s causing this asexual revolution? Could it be that young men ages 18-29 are simply struggling to find a mate? Unfortunately it’s not that simple. 57% of single adults aren’t even looking for a relationship-or even casual dates. Only 13% are in a committed relationship.

There is simply a lack of interest in pursuing an intimate relationship today. A recent survey suggests the sexual activity of Americans stands at a 30 year low. The number of adults age 18-30 having sex each year is worse. About 28% report having no sex in the prior year.

Remember that 50% of young adults now live at home. That could be a contributing factor, as it’s hard to get jiggy with Mom in the next room.

Some would suggest that the precipitous decline in romantic relationships are a function of dating apps like Tinder and the promise of quick, casual sex. Maybe. I wrote about dating apps in an article entitled Is Everyone Having More Sex Than You.

Around 62% of single men regularly use dating apps. The rest are lying.

For women, the dating apps are overwhelming. There is an oversupply of very available and very odd men.

See, most dating site profiles require a picture. That’s where the fun begins. For men, options often include the “bed-selfie” or the “shirtless-gym mirror” selfie. And, then there is this guy:

The simple truth is that dating apps are littered with naked guys. Most are carefully posing in cringe-worthy positions. As if somehow presenting your “tools” for examination makes you more desirable for that 30-minute Starbucks meetup. It’s enough to make you want to give up on the future of the human race.

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Perhaps part of what’s driving the asexual revolution is confusion. During the 1960’s there were two genders. Life was simple. Today, as a byproduct of much-needed acceptance of changing sexual preferences, everyone has more options. But, could all this flexibility be confusing to some? In full disclosure, I struggle to stay current with the alphabet soup of LGBTQIA++ options. I am not judging anyone. I am simply confused at all the acronyms and options. I can’t imagine being single and trying to navigate the Cheesecake Factory menu of human sexuality today.

Debby Herbenick is a professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health–Bloomington, She studies human sexuality. She recently completed a study examining the decline in all forms of sexual activities. There is no easy answer to why this trend is occurring. It’s likely a myriad of causes. She opines that sex looks very different today than it did in the 1960’s.

Sex for some has become, well, weird. As a likely result of the rapid increase in on-line pornography, many women report an increase in rough sex. That is, sex that involves some form of intentional pain or abuse. One study found that 58% of women college students had been choked or partially asphyxiated during sex. And you thought the world couldn’t get any weirder than a shirtless guy on Tinder carrying a long- handle axe. But it can. Hold my beer.

Today, 12% of all websites online are porn sites. Unfortunately, pornography is one of the most common ways many young men learn about sex. That’s like learning to drive by watching the Daytona 500.

Studies show that 98% of men have watched porn. The other 2% are lying.

Today’s porn normalizes a variety of very risky behaviors and fantasies that are completely unrealistic and often violent. Because, sure, it’s totally normal for these two to show up at your door in bikinis to fix your cable. That’s a typical pornography story line.

That type of content is available on the nearest portable laptop, iPad or smartphone. People can sneak-a-peep quickly from anywhere: work, school or home. Today’s average screen-time is about 9 minutes.

By the time young men are sexually active, they’ve spent years watching professionals engage in outlandish sex acts in high-definition, on-demand Porn. As a result, young men have lost all curiosity. Sex is no longer mysterious. When they finally engage in a sexual relationship it pales in comparison to the porn version. It’s the equivalent of the Daytona 500 at 35 mph with turn signals for lane changes. It’s, frankly, very boring to them.

A byproduct of all this exposure to porn is a significant rise in the prevalence of Erectile Dysfunction in young men. A recent study found that 26 percent of men under the age of 40 now report Erectile Dysfunction. It’s partially the reason for the explosive growth of companies like Roman. The on-line company offers mail-order drugs for Erectile Dysfunction and other ailments without the embarrassing doctor visit. The company was founded in 2017 and is now valued at over $7B.

To be sure, porn usage isn’t the only cause of ED in young men or the only reason men have lost interest in having sex. The increased utilization of anti-depressants, an increase in stress, sexual performance anxiety and certain medical conditions are all contributors. It all contributes towards a lack of interest in dating and sex.

Look, I’m all about the value of technology to make our lives better. But, if we’re willing to consider an ban on Tik-Tok, shouldn’t we also consider banning all these free, high def porn? Seriously, who in their right mind would stand up to defend the industry in light of the overwhelming amount of damage it’s doing to our young people. After all, when men ages 18-30 have lost interest in sex, something is really, really wrong.

Does any of this surprise you? I love to hear from readers - and 99% of thoughtful messages will hear back from me. (1% margin for error cause, you know, I’m human.)

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