The Overwhelming Importance of Fathers

There are enormous advantages to having a father in the home, particularly when it comes to adolescent boys. Boys simply need role models to emulate. And, boys need to learn certain skills like how to swim, throw a ball and shake another person’s hand (firmly) while looking them in the eye. You can also add, starting a campfire, tying a knot and changing a tire. (Before you send me hate mail, please read the following sentence.)

In the absence of a man in the home, boys will find a replacement role model. With some very disturbed boys, that can come in the form of disturbed men in Social Media chat rooms. For example, many of our school shooters spent hours chatting on-line with other groups of disgruntled men and boys. Many of these chat rooms attract people in a pseudo-religion of gun idolatry. It’s a doctrine that idolizes guns and violence. And, that kind of echo-chamber can lead disturbed boys to envision horrific acts of violence. For example, the Uvalde shooter posted this photo of himself on Instagram just a few days before the shooting.

That’s one of the many magazines he purchased for his Assault rifle. His caption was “10 more days”. Someone on Instagram asked the question, “are you gonna shoot up the school or something?”

In hindsight, we all recognize the profile. They’re young, white, repressed, alienated, dispossessed, misunderstood, victimized and all too often rejected by women. But, the common thread of our most disturbed young men is anger. As a country we seem to be breeding a never-ending supply of angry young men. But, why?

Sure, each of us had a few weirdos in our high school. Those poor boys who were loners and outcasts. They played Dungeons & Dragons and wore black trench coats. Odd birds. They were harmless and mostly kept to themselves. But, today it’s different. Today’s loner isn’t just odd, they’re dangerous. So how did we migrate from weirdo-loner to school shooter?

I think we can both agree that easy access to guns is a contributing factor. I wrote about that here.

My article on guns led to a healthy, but spirited conversation with some readers. The loudest voices were adamant about the absence of fathers or father-figures in the life of boys and the influence of violent video games on our boys. They are right. According to the US Census, 18.4 million children-about 25% of all children-grow up without a father in the home. 18.4 million children is four times the population of Los Angeles.

So, why do lonely, disturbed young men worship guns? Maybe it has something to do with a lack of brain development. Maybe it’s a lack of anything else to worship. Or, maybe it finally offsets a lifetime of feeling weak and ignored. Regardless of the reason, the absence of fathers can lead to gun idolatry by angry young men.

One academic study of 835 juvenile inmates found that individuals from fatherless homes were 279% more likely to carry guns than peers who live with their fathers.

From Pre-K to College, boys are less resilient and less ambitious than they were a short time ago. I wrote about this in January, 2022 in a piece called The Laziest Generation in American History.

Young men with involved fathers tend to have fewer emotional and mental health issues. I wrote about this in November, 2021 in a piece called What Happened to Healthy Masculinity and our Boys?Perhaps most importantly, father involvement seems to reduce the occurrence of behavioral problems. Children born to single mothers show higher levels of aggressive behavior.

One of the telltale signs of these school shooters is poor performance in high school. The Uvalde shooter was a high school dropout. Worldwide, boys are 50 percent less likely than girls to meet basic proficiency in reading, math, and science. And, by virtually any objective measure, girls are thriving more than ever. It’s harder than ever for boys to compete in high school. That’s why they need fathers. To help sort through life’s early challenges, like schoolwork. To make sense of conflicting emotions and high-school social dynamics. And, to set the example of how to live like a man.

According to a recent study, boys without a father resident in the home had the lowest achievement and the highest risk of school failure and course failure.

Of course, many single moms do a great job of raising boys. Mine did. The challenge is that living in a single mother household carries the equivalent of 5.25 relationship transitions as single moms date and try to find a suitable partner.

It’s also tougher for a single mother to afford raising a family. In 2011, children living in female-headed families were 47.6 percent more likely to live in poverty.

Without a role model to teach boys how to play sports, hunt or fish, boys often turn to violent video games. It’s their digital drug of choice. These boys are more likely to drop out of school, drink, do drugs, become delinquent, and end up feeling ostracized by their peers. And, with high speed internet there is no need for friends anymore. Boys can play against other players around the world. Many of these games are gruesome. They dehumanize killing people. Games like Mortal Kombat, a blood-soaked fighting game with its graphic displays of human decapitations, beheadings, and other over-the-top bloody carnage. Or, Call of Duty where players get to use Assault rifles to shoot other humans.

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(Watch this 60-second trailer for the video game Fortnite.)

In some instances school shooters have left manifestos that mentioned video games like Call of Duty.

So, that’s my rant on the importance of fathers and the negative influence of violent video games. One quick favor, if you enjoy my writing would you subscribe for a few friends or family members? Just click the button below and add their email. It’s free and they can always unsubscribe. We already have 10,000 subscribers and a lot more casual readers. You can really help me grow and get the attention of some larger print outlets like The Wall Street Journal and The Atlantic magazines. Your help would mean a lot to me .

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