The demographic with the highest rate of suicide in the US is men aged 75 and over. That stat also holds true for Canada and the UK. Surprised? Me too.
See, while rates of depression are significantly higher in women, men commit suicide at exponentially higher rates; men lead in every single age category. It’s one of the few things that men do better than women. In the US, the male suicide rate is nearly four times the female rate. In Canada and the UK, it’s three times the rate of women.
These pure suicide rates do not include the so-called “deaths of despair,” that is, deaths resulting from drug overdoses and alcohol-related conditions. These types of deaths were once the unique purview of Americans, but recent research suggests that our friends across the pond are catching up. Deaths of despair in the UK are now eight times the overall suicide rate.
The demographic with the highest rate of suicide in the US is men aged 75 and over.
So, what is causing the male septuagenarian demographic to end their lives in such dramatic numbers? The simple truth is that while one-half of people get happier at age 65, the other half get sadder. Most people assume it’s the “retirement blues,” but it’s way bigger than that. The resulting sadness is derived from the loss of identity, satisfaction, and purpose that can accompany the retirement years. Things that were once satisfied by a thriving career.
See, men play a lot of different roles in society today, but typically, they find the most value and meaning in one role—provider. Comedian Chris Rock once joked that “only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something.”
As they age and retire, their sadness is often caused by a loss of enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose—a loss of significance, meaning that their value is diminished once the spotlight fades.
Perhaps that is the reason why there are 24 members of Congress over age 80. The oldest member of Congress is Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) who was first elected to Congress in 1974. I was still riding my Big Wheel in the driveway. It’s a problem that neither political party wants to address, but they should.
Ironically, most of us dream of retirement during our working years especially on those days where you want to smother a co-worker with a pillow. But for those who retire, it’s not the work that they miss—it’s the loss of identity, satisfaction, and purpose that work gives them. They long for the meaning work brought to their lives.
So, what can we do to identify depression in older men, given that most men choose to suffer in silence? How can we identify the signs and signals of possible suicide if men aren’t talking for asking for help? Well, a recent survey conducted in Australia might have the answer. It sought to identify the signs of struggle that help friends and family intervene before it’s too late. The researchers interviewed nearly 300 men who had made suicide attempts within the last 6-18 months.
So, what can friends or family members do to identify such warning signals? Researchers identified the key terms used most frequently by the men who had attempted to end their lives. Words and phrases like feeling useless or worthless, pointless, over it, I’ve had enough, and I feel hopeless.
So if you have a friend or loved one who seems to be stuggling, what can you do to help? First, men who derive most of their meaning from their work have the hardest time retiring. Be prepared for that. Second, the more successful a man is, the harder it is to retire and enjoy “the good life.” Third, since older men aren’t likely to wear their weariness on their sleeves, it’s important to look for the warning signs and phrases. Fourth, be prepared to listen. What men fear most is being judged when they’re asking for help. And, lastly, don’t be afraid to overreact to an older family member who is showing signs of depression and has access to the means to end their life. Be aggressive in your approach, even if that’s difficult. You may just save a life.
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