When Everything is Free, Nothing has Value

My Dad used to say that “everything has a cost”. But, it seems we’ve removed the cost of so many things we used to hold dear. And I think we both know that nothing of value comes easily or free.

Cost isn’t always monetary. It can take many forms: money, time, focus, energy, effort, etc. The higher the value the higher the cost. Let’s start with the most obvious example and we’ll go from there, okay?

Sex

For most of human history, sex came bundled with enormous cost. Historically that included Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and AIDS. Those were just frosting on the fornication cake. The batter included pregnancy and the terrifying possibility of becoming responsible for another human being for the next twenty years. So you could say that the cost of “buttering a biscuit” could be very high.

Not so today. Shagging is nearly free. Birth control is reliable. The morning-after pill is widely available. The stigma of abortion is largely removed in certain circles. STDs are the equivalent of a cold sore. AIDS is no longer a death sentence. And our culture has normalized nearly every arrangement from friends-with-benefits to “situationships” to no-strings micro-flings through Tinder. While the 1960’s was the Free Sex era, sex didn’t actually become free until the 2020’s.

That changes things. When you remove the cost of making the two-headed sheet monster, you reduce the value. You flatten it. You turn a once-risky rite of adulthood into free entertainment with the the depth of a Hallmark Christmas movie. It becomes another form of convenient pleasure, safely disconnected from any consequences.  

Cheap sex is partially why 24% of adults 18-29 report having no sex in the past year. It’s apparently of little value to them. I hope you aren’t disappointed, but this isn’t just an article about sex.

Obesity
We used to pay dearly for indulgence. Overindulgence led to obesity and with obesity came declining mobility, aching joints, hypertension and diabetes. Not to mention the misery of carrying the extra weight of a small child. The cost of a daily party in your mouth was high.

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For the first time in history obese children around the world outnumber malnourished children.

Today we have options to help quell the impact of all those late night runs to Taco Bell. Newly available GLP-1’s are an expensive weight-loss prescription drug that dramatically alters our internal circuitry: reducing hunger and demand and desire for food. For the first time in 20 years the obesity rate in the US is going in the right direction.

I’m not dismissing the medical value of these drugs. They are helpful for many people, especially diabetics. But we should at least admit the cultural side effect: GLP-1 medications are to obesity what the morning-after pill is to pregnancy. We can live like Kings—and big Pharma will come to the rescue.

Driving

Driving is one of the great American rituals that is synonymous with adulthood, risk, responsibility, and competence. Getting behind the wheel requires attention, focus, courage and a certain amount of skill. The cost of inattention used to be death. Piloting a two-ton steel object moving at 70 mph demanded concentration and respect for the responsibility that comes with it.

We are likely seeing a generation that will never get behind the wheel of a car. It’s coming faster than you think. In San Francisco, 11% of all ride-sharing is now driverless—and that number is rising fast.

It’s not just for ride-sharing. Today a Tesla can chauffeur you from New York to Atlanta while you scroll TikTok, take a few naps and take pictures of the scenery. Those Fully Self Driving vehicles have a 91% lower accident rate than human-piloted vehicles. That’s why babies born today will never actually drive a vehicle. It will be too dangerous (in comparison) and too costly to insure a human driver.

Friendship

Once upon a time, staying connected with friends had a cost. Showing up. Making plans. Remembering birthdays. Bringing soup when they were sick. Friendship required presence — physical, emotional, logistical.

But today? A text keeps the relationship on life support. A ❤️emoji counts as affection.
A “like” is considered participation. You can maintain twenty “close friends” today with almost zero cost or effort. The cost of friendship used to be time and effort. Now it’s bandwidth.

Education

I bet you remember those epic all-nighters you pulled in high school and/or college, right. Today even education has been stripped of that cost. Need a 20 page term paper on the Industrial Revolution? Artificial Intelligence will write it for you at 11pm the night before it’s due. The cost of learning used to be time, confusion, humility and hours of deep concentration. Now it’s clicking a link. Yet another reason why everyone should learn to be a plumber or an electrician.

Isn’t society better off having fewer unplanned pregnancies? Aren’t people happier when they can eat what they want without the risk of a heart attack or diabetes? Isn’t society better off with safer vehicles? Isn’t it healthier to have more friends at a time when so many are lonely? I’ll hang up and listen while you answer….

Well, of course, we all want (more) safer sex and safer driving, less obesity and diabetes, and more friendships. Yes, we all enjoy removing the cost and consequences of life. But removing the cost and consequences from every decision devalues those things we cherish. When sex was rare it raised the value.

True identity formation requires friction. That friction typically results in wisdom from a life experienced—and also a few nasty scars. We are, after all, an amalgamation of our decisions: both good and bad. That social and psychological tension helps young people form an identity. If everything is bubble-wrapped, how do we ever learn? Take away the cost, and you risk taking away the growth.

Raising kids forces you to develop patience, selflessness, and structure. Marriage forces you to negotiate, compromise, apologize, commit. Taking care of your health forces you to build discipline and restraint. Driving forces you to stay alert and be accountable. Friendship forces you to invest in others.

Because the cost is not the enemy. The cost is the teacher. Choosing to pay more might be the most radical act of adulthood.

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