Twenty-Five Years of Bowling Alone

In 2000, Robert Putnam observed something peculiar. More Americans than ever were bowling. But fewer people were bowling in group leagues. It was a simple observation. Bowling Alone is a metaphor for our post-modern decline of human connection. The kind of connection that allows communities to thrive.

Like any good social scientist, Putnam compiled a mountain of data to validate his findings. Turns out there was also a drop in dinner parties, group fitness, club memberships, church attendance, and even family meals. Trends that validated the waning of our desire to live in community with one another.

There is irony in the observation. It was made twenty-five years ago, before the pandemic, work from home, videoconferencing, streaming entertainment, the iPhone, and the Peloton were invented. Putnam was on to something big, but he had no idea how big. He couldn’t possibly predict these developments or how they would exacerbate our growing desire for isolation.

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Some of this desire is natural. See, each successive generation is less inclined to participate in life—driven partially by technological advances and partially by a move towards self-sufficiency. Then in 2000, video gaming and DVD rental began to replace social gathering. Participation in organized groups slowed. Suburban sprawl physically separated where people live, work, and play. It reduced the opportunity to bump into a co-worker at the grocery store, church or the little league game. I wrote about this in Why We Lost Our Sense of Community.

Table for One, Please

Now, 25 years later, Putnam’s observations seem prescient. The bowling leagues, civic clubs, and local organizations have not come back. Church attendance, civic and political participation have all waned. If anything, Putnam underestimated the magnitude of what was to come: a tremendous shift away from human connection and towards further isolation. It’s as if we had a low-grade fever of social anxiety, and the pandemic threw gasoline on the smoldering dumpster fire. Today it’s a raging inferno of social isolation.

The simple truth is that we got lazy and the pandemic made us lazier. People simply decided that taking a shower, getting dressed and leaving the house was hard. Especially when people no longer go to an office for work during the day.

There are thousands of symptoms suggesting that the isolation virus is taking over the host body. A recent Gallup survey suggests that alcohol consumption is at its lowest level in 90 years. Some suggest that we are finally coming around to the realization that alcohol is bad for us. Hogwash. The US has never been more unhealthy or more obese. People haven’t magically decided to get healthy or convert to legalized marijuana products. No, the drop in alcohol consumption is a symptom of fewer opportunities for social interaction.

Consider that instead of going out to a movie theater today, we simply stay home and binge watch shows on Netflix or Amazon Prime. Most meetings today take place over Zoom. Church can now be attended on-line with communion mailed or delivered beforehand. Dinner has become a transaction. It’s ordered online and delivered to the door. Most of the time they ring the bell, drop it, and run away like it’s flaming dog-poop.

We got comfortable spending more time at home during the pandemic and we liked it. But like the work-from-home trend, it’s convenient but not healthy in the long run. The truth is that our advanced technology has become an enabler, allowing us to spend more and more time isolated at home.

Aloneness v. Loneliness

Aloneness and loneliness can look identical from the outside. While aloneness is a physical construct, loneliness is a mental construct. Consider two different people bowling alone. The bowler in lane 7 is bowling alone and content to do so. The bowler in lane 11 is bowling alone but he is lonely. You can be alone without being lonely, and you can be lonely without being alone.

Solitude, the middle ground, is the intentional act of stepping away. It’s energizing. You go somewhere to be alone to hear yourself think and to refill the tank. It’s neutral ground.

The truth is, we built technology that promised connection but delivered isolation. The bowling leagues are gone, movie theaters are empty, and families are often staring at screens during meals. Makes me wonder: do you think we would be this socially isolated without the pandemic experience? Or without the modern technology?

Spending more time alone is like smoking a few cigarettes. It’s not likely to cause cancer but you are flirting with it. See, spending an inordinate amount of time alone leads to, well, spending more time alone. It feeds on itself. Pretty soon being alone becomes your default setting. And before you know it, you are bowling alone with a pack of Marlboro Reds in your pocket. Life (and bowling) were never intended to be solo sports.

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