Things We Know Without Knowing

How well do you know yourself? Pretty well? What if I told you that even after all this time, you still have a lot to learn?

It’s true. For example, I just came to the realization that I don’t like lobster. It’s just a delivery system for butter.

The Struggle is Real

Regardless of your age there is always more to learn about yourself. More self-awareness to be gained. More clarity to be found. Some parts of you are buried so deep that that your conscious mind strains to access it.

These are the parts of ourselves that we struggle to see or comprehend. Parts that, if revealed, might make us feel horrible about ourselves.

Way back in 370 B.C., Plato’s Phaedra speaks of a struggle to see or comprehend earthly things. As if we are looking through a “glass dimly” and can’t see clearly what’s is on the other side. Meaning that our earthly perception of reality is enigmatic and moreover often flawed and distorted.

Paul picks up the same thread in the New Testament, writing that we “see through a mirror, darkly.” That one day, everything hidden will be revealed. Everything unclear will make sense. It reminds me of a recent article I wrote called Why Your Brain Thrives on Uncertainty.

The Shadow

Swiss psychologist Carl Jung (1875 - 1961) referred to the parts of ourselves that we struggle to see or comprehend as shadows. Think of it as the step-brother of the negative voice in your head that you’re often having conversations with.

Rather than confront something, our mind just pretends it doesn’t exist. Aggressive impulses, taboo mental images, shameful thoughts, immoral urges, fears and/or irrational wishes, etc.

The shadow includes “everything about ourselves we do not know.” Or, maybe that we can’t fully comprehend. Not because it’s bad, but because it doesn’t match up with our public persona.

Think of your shadow as your cranky old neighbor in his bathrobe. He doesn’t bother to remove the cigarette butt from his lips before screaming at the kids to “get the hell of my lawn”.

That dark underbelly is responsible for some truly reprehensible thinking. Things that we’d never admit to in public. Most often the shadow leads to negative thoughts and judgments about others. Thoughts that, if revealed, would destroy friendships and family relations forever.

You’re probably thinking that this whole dark underbelly thing doesn’t apply to you. Not so fast.

If you’re honest with yourself, you’ve probably had some awful thoughts similar to these, right?

• Hoping a rival’s business fails so spectacularly that they go bankrupt and have to start over from scratch.

• Wishing your ex not only breaks up, but that their new partner cheats on them and leaves them heartbroken.

• Wanting your boss to get fired for incompetence so you can take their job.

• Hoping someone who hurt you stays stuck in life, sick, or unhappy—not because you're cruel, but because it feels like justice.

Oddly enough, Jung didn’t suggest that having these kinds of untoward thoughts made us bad people. Or, that we should try to stop having these thoughts. Moreover, Jung suggested that we all have dark, hidden thoughts and desires. But, they’re entireley human. And, nearly universal.

The goal isn’t to get rid of your shadow.

The goal is to own it.
To bring it into the light.
To recognize that even the darkest parts of your soul have something to teach you.

The enlightenment from this type of exploration comes from bringing light into the darkness. The more light, the less shadows. After all, hatred is largely fueled by fear, not hate.

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Once you recognize that it’s just your shadow that’s fomenting all these nasty thoughts, everything else seems more rational. And, those untoward thoughts can be more easily understood:

• Sometimes envy is just unhealed regret.

• Sometimes pride is just deeply disguised shame.

• Sometimes lust is just a longing to be seen.

• Sometimes wrath is just unspeakable sorrow.

We consciously create these ugly thoughts but bury them deep in our subconscious. Like early childhood memories from a place you can’t identify but somehow vaguely remember.

Maybe we don’t need to explain those moments away. Maybe we need to listen to them.

And, the more we attempt to keep the shadows in the dark, the louder they’ll bang on the door later. Sometimes what’s hidden in the darkness, what lurks in the shadows holds the answers. It just needs more light.

Maybe the point isn’t to make perfect sense of it all. Maybe the point is to pay attention—to the shadows, the whispers, the darkness that pulls at you in your worst moments.

Because somewhere in between the dark and the light, something sacred is trying to break through. Not to shame you. Not to scare you. But to remind you.

That even the very worst side of you, the dark underbelly of your soul, holds something instructive. Because growth happens when the light gets in; in the gentle illumination of self reflection. Because even the very darkest parts of your soul have something to teach you.

Please share this article with someone you really really care about.

I know this one is pretty deep. If you learned something or it challenged you or made you feel differently about yourself, would you mind leaving me a message?

I promise that you’ll hear back from me.

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