I’m over age fifty and I’m really hoping my wife doesn’t read this column. Why? Because nearly 40% of people over age 50 are getting divorced.
Among Americans age 65 and older the “silver split” has nearly tripled since 1990. Research has found that boomers, those born between 1946 and 1964, are divorcing more than any other generation.
So what’s causing this dramatic shift? It must be sex, right? Maybe. In 1998, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) approved the use of the drug Viagra to treat Erectile Dysfunction. That’s about the time gray divorce started to rise. It’s probably not a coincidence, but correlation does not imply causation.
Need more Wit & Wisdom in your life? Spotify, Apple iTunes and iHeart Radio have over 200 Wit & Wisdom episodes in my buttery smooth voice.
If we’re looking for a controlled environment to study this phenomenon, look no further than The Villages, an enormous retirement community in central Florida.
For years people enjoyed spreading the rumor that The Villages is the Sexually Transmitted Disease capital of the world. Some of the residents are chasing each other around like first graders on a playground. Only it isn’t true. The Villages is not the Sexually Transmitted Disease capital of the world. In fact, it’s not even the Sexually Transmitted Disease capitol of Florida. Rates of STD’s average at The Villages average 1 in 10,000 people. Pretty good odds. Alligators are a bigger problem at The Villages than crabs.
Alligators vs. Crabs
Still, those over age 55 making the two headed sheet monster with strangers are busy. According to recent CDC data, cases of gonorrhea have increased seven-fold since 2010. Cases of chlamydia have quadrupled.
During the working years, married couples are busy building careers, raising children, taking care of parents and managing finances. Often couples don’t even notice they are growing apart. Fast forward a few years and couples can suddenly realize they no longer know each other. If you’re already waking up next to a stranger then you might as well be, well, waking up next to a stranger.
What happened in 1980?
Some therapists suggest that one partner may simply see their life in “chapters”. There was the newlywed chapter, career building chapter, followed by the breeding and parenting chapter. As the nest grows empty a new chapter begins. Some partners see an opportunity to turn the page. And, everyone has a divorced friend who likes to ask: “why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it”?
People are living longer. About one out of every three 65-year-olds today will live past age 90, and about one out of seven will live past age 95. An unhappy marriage at age 60 can last another 25 or 30 years—and that can seem like a lifetime of unhappiness.
According to AARP and recent family research, women initiate between 66%-80% of divorces over age 50. Women are more educated and more financially independent than ever. And, women tend to live longer than men. A woman in her mid fifties is likely to live another 30 years or more. Once they are free from the bonds of marriage, they are free to be a little, well, frisky. Especially if the couple had been staying together “for the children.”
While it might seem that people aren’t as committed to marriage today, perhaps it’s something different. Perhaps the bar is higher today. Perhaps we’ve moved away from the Ward & June Cleaver era where the value of a marriage was commensurate with a man’s ability to provide or a woman’s ability to be a homemaker. Perhaps we are playing a new game. A game where partners are held to a higher standard. A standard that includes happiness and personal fulfillment. A team-based approach to life.
Perhaps the answer lies in the most unexpected place. Divorce is actually becoming less common among younger adults and Millennials, in part because they are marrying later and often waiting longer to have children. That maturity level is making a difference.
When younger couples do choose to divorce there is often a crisis. Think: sex, money, drugs and/or alcohol. But, the often maligned Millennial generation seems to have something figured out. At least until they cross over age 50 and get a scrip for Viagra.
I’m just a regular guy sitting in a Waffle House booth writing stuff I hope you’ll like. Feel free to ask me anything. I promise that you’ll hear back from me after I finish my waffle.
Hey, let’s make a deal. I’ll keep writing thought-provoking stuff like this if you’ll agree to share with a few people you care about. Just forward the original email and ask them to subscribe. Thank you.
