The Pain of Losing a Great Dog

There are only two kinds of people in this world: People who love dogs and people who haven’t had one yet.

Since I’m in the first category I’ll go ahead and admit it. I like dogs better than I like people.  

But, there’s one big problem with dogs. They age seven times faster than we do.

That’s why the love of a dog will bless you with some of the best days of your life and will also give you with one of the worst. Because, as every dog owner knows, there comes a day when you have to help your best friend cross the “rainbow bridge”. We learned that with Prissy (below), who was a part of our family for 17 years. Damn Good Dog

Pet Grief: Guilt & Shame

With a pet there is no obituary, no funeral, no closure. There is little sympathy for the bereaved. When your pet dies nobody sends you a condolence note or drops off a casserole. People at the office rarely mention it. It’s one of the few times as humans that we grieve alone.

I am amazed at how many people chat with total strangers on-line about pet loss. The sympathetic Reddit chat room Petloss has 57,295 members. The most common question in the chat room is “How long is too long to grieve over the loss of my dog?” And, there is no shortage of advice. The most common answer is “as long as it takes.”

While losing a pet is less tragic than losing a friend or family member, it comes with its own set of unique challenges. That can often add complexity to the grief cycle.

We are all familiar with the human grief cycle: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and, finally, Acceptance. But, when grieving our pets the cycle is different.

Instead of Denial, we often feel Guilt. We, alone, bear the responsibility for our pet’s care. We also bear the burden of ending their life. They’re counting on us to do the right thing. It’s a heavy burden and we don’t always get it right. That can create a tremendous about of Guilt.

Some people sheepishly admit that they were more aggrieved by the loss of their beloved dog than the loss of a family member. I get it. After all, we spend an inordinate about of time with our pets these days. And, the love of a pet is truly unconditional. But, those type of feelings can create tremendous Guilt.

Instead of Bargaining we often feel Shame over our grief. That shame emanates from embarrassment over how much (or how long) we are grieving. It’s just a household pet, after all. But, that pet is part of the family. And, that grief is real.

But, I think we both know, a good dog is much more than a household pet. A good dog is part of the family and, in some rare cases, the best part of the family.

Aging With Grace

Dogs often come into our lives as puppies and grow up and old right before our eyes. They age faster and with more grace than humans. And, without even realizing it, dogs weave themselves into the fabric of our lives.

They want nothing more than to be with us. A dog never makes other plans. They never have something better to do. They are utterly, entirely dependable. They don’t care where you are going or why, they just wanna go. Their only request is to roll the windows down so they can hang their head out the window.

Dogs never complain. They don’t tell you they are sick or in pain. That’s why it’s so hard to put them down, even when it’s the right thing to do. Unlike humans, they die with dignity and grace, often surrounded by those that love them the most.

The Warm & Fuzzies

But, where does that warm & fuzzy feeling about dogs come from? Scientists have discovered that it comes from the hormone oxytocin. It’s known in the scientific community as “the love hormone”.

It’s the same hormone that helps solidify the bond between a mother and her newborn baby. The same chemical reaction happens when we lock eyes with our dogs. That’s why a mother can love her baby, even if it’s really ugly. (And, why we can love ugly dogs).

Dogs are Grace

Our dogs also offer us something that is rare in human relationships: grace. They offer us unconditional love and acceptance. They have a very short memory when it comes to our transgressions. They don’t judge us or hold grudges for our behavior, even when we dress them up like a hot dog.

That’s why you can leave your dog with a friend for two weeks while you go on vacation. When you come home they aren’t mad or bitter. They don’t care where you’ve been or why you left.

I don’t know what heaven will look like. I’m not a theology expert. But in my mind, after you get through the pearly gates and all the paperwork, I imagine a joyful reunion. A reunion with all of those we love who have gone before us. And right behind them is every dog you’ve ever loved. Smiling, barking and jumping for joy at your arrival. Welcoming you home like the lost prodigal son. Ready to show you where they hid all their favorite toys in heaven.

Do you know a fellow dog lover? Or, someone who is grieving the loss of a pet? Please send them this article and ask them to sign up for my bi-weekly, thought-provoking articles here. I usually write about the examined life. Things like family, happiness, spirituality, friendship and sometimes, dogs. I'm here to help you find clarity and peace.

Do you have something to add to this conversation? I sure would love to hear from you, especially if you miss your best friend. I read and respond to every single comment.