Everything is Gonna Be Okay

May 25, 2020 • Estimated Reading Time: 7 minutes

A few weeks ago, before we all went into house arrest, I was asked to speak to a younger group of professionals. Part Q&A, part wisdom sharing, part free-time for the millennials.  

I don’t have any video from the talk. But if I did, I’m certain it would look like this.

Okay, maybe not. (There wasn’t any clapping.) But, toward the end of the Q&A, I got a profound question:

“If you had a chance, what would you tell your 24-year-old self about the future?”

A Wise Question

Wow. Just when you think the younger set is totally self absorbed, they surprise you. 

Like when I figured out all of U2’s music was inspired by the Bible. In a synapse, their entire body of work became infinitely richer and more meaningful. But, I digress.

Thinking on my feet, I mentally changed places with them.

I would have been worrying if I was in the right career, company, job, apartment, car, city, relationship… you get the point. Worrying about everything.

So, looking back, whatwould I tell my 24-year-old self about the future?”

Within seconds I blurted out the answer:

As soon as the answer left my mouth, I wanted to take it back. But it was too late. 60 eyeballs now staring a hole through me. Wait, what? Gonna be okay? What’s he talking about? 

I realized I’d crossed the emotional Rubicon River. I was now on the other side. No take backs or do-overs.

Sixty eyeballs now staring into my soul; laid bare for all to see. I started to try to walk it back. But it’s like too much toothpaste on the brush. Once it’s out in the daylight, no amount of effort will get it back in the tube. 

I’ve tried. We’ve all tried…

I went on, “Look, when I was your age and sitting in the cube farm, it wasn’t any easier or any harder. I had no idea what I was doing. I had some skills, but I wasn’t that smart. I worried ─ a lot. And I’m betting you are the same way. Stop worrying. Everything is gonna be okay. You’ll get where you need to be.” 

That sounded better, right?

Two Conversations

I realized that I was having two conversations in my head, which isn’t rare for me. One with the youngsters in the room. The other with my 24-year old self in pleated pants, an oversized Brooks Brothers shirt, and too-big-for-my-face eyeglasses. 

“Everything is gonna be okay, Tom.”

I was laid bare. Like a cadaver in a med-school anatomy class. All my innards and nether-regions exposed to the public for the first time. All with multiple curious eyes staring into the cavity of my soul. Certain internal organs removed, weighed and examined. Others waiting quietly for the blade.  

This talk was intended to be a display of confidence. A display of steadfastness. A display of professionalism. But, somehow I’d crossed over from a Tony Robbins motivational, walk on hot coals, into a Brene’ Brown touchy-feely TED talk on vulnerability and shame. 

Now dancing and sliding around like a hog on ice, I continued to “mansplain” my way out of the corner. Why stop now? No point just wading into the water up to your waist, right? 

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Hindsight is 20/20

Looking back, I now realize how timely all that mansplaining really was. Who knew that a few weeks later we’d be in the midst of a deadly global pandemic?

And we would also be learning to social distance ourselves from the ubiquitous “Karen”.

And that we’d all be living in a much riskier world, A more anxious world. A world where “everything is gonna be okay” would become a rally-cry for the entire country.

Worrying About the Wrong Stuff

When it comes to worry and anxiety, it appears we typically aren’t worried about the right things, anyway.

According to a 2018 study, The New York Times devoted 35.6% of its news coverage to Terrorism from 1999-2016. But, the probability of dying in a terrorism attack was <.01%.

A Google news search on the Coronavirus brings up over 1.5 billion news results. Below 25 years old the fatality rate of COVID-19 is 0.00008%, or roughly one in 1.25 million. It’s roughly half the likelihood of getting struck by lightning.

So what should we worry about? We should worry about Heart Disease. It’s probably gonna kill you. Like it killed Fred & Elizabeth Sanford. May they Rest In Peace.

Heart Disease is responsible for about 650,000 US coffin sales each year. From February to May, about 100,000 died from the Coronavirus, but 200,000 died from Heart Disease.

The Times only spends 2.5% of its coverage on Heart Disease. I guess it’s just not that sexy and it doesn’t sell papers.

So if you wanna worry about something, worry about having the Fred Sanford “big one”. And put down the cheeseburger, unless you are sharing it with her. Then, by all means, have the burger with cheese.

You can also worry about Cancer. He is a dear friend of the grim reaper. According to the CDC, Cancer “flatlined” 599,108 people last year in the US.

From February to May, about 100,000 died from the Coronavirus, but 200,000 died from Cancer.

You can worry about smoking and it’s hipper cousin, vaping. Lung darts are responsible for about 480,000 people “assuming room temperature” each year in the US. That includes more than 41,000 “dirt-naps” resulting from secondhand smoke exposure. That’s about 1,300 people “waking up on the wrong side of the grass” every damn day.

You can worry about Human Trafficking. It earns global profits of roughly $150 billion a year for traffickers, $99 billion of which comes from commercial sexual exploitation.

Around 35,000,000 Americans have Diabetes. Someday when you are back in a room of 100 people, ten of them will be diabetics. It contributes to about 250,000 people “buying the farm” each year.

Summary

Yes, there are plenty of things we should worry about. But, instead we worry about all the wrong things.

Whether it’s a career or a relationship or money or silly politics or the kids or the Coronavirus, we are always worried about something. And the simple truth is that the things we worry about almost never come to pass. Never. And you aren’t even worrying about the right things, Karen. So just stop it.

I think I recovered with the youngsters. Who knows? ─ Half of them probably weren’t paying attention anyway…  

How about you? Is everything gonna be okay for you? Are you transfixed by the Coronavirus? Global Warming? Crime? Job security? Leave me a comment below and let me know.

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