Shirts vs. Skins: The Era of Outrage Porn

Is it any wonder that we aren’t happy with our leaders? They are all self-serving, narcissistic egomaniacs. They are all playing the professional version of Shirts vs. Skins.     

I remember when we had tremendous respect for our Government. And our country’s leaders.

And that’s where the story begins

Best Job Ever

A few years ago I had a memorable lunch with a sitting Congressman. Towards the end of lunch I asked a throw-away question: “what’s wrong with Congress?” He was ready for it:

“Before they got elected they were a near-do-well, Century 21 agent.”

“They stayed for the fellowship hour after church.”

“They drove a six year old, beige Toyota Camry.”

“They held open houses in tired, split level homes in the ‘burbs that smelled like wet-dog.”

“They decided to run for office to help grow their network; maybe pick up a wet-dog listing or two. Can’t hurt.”

“They never expected to win.”

“They won.”

“They make six times what they used to.”

”Free healthcare, 67 paid holidays, three weeks vacation, a lifetime of ‘retirement’ income.”

“All the popular people from their high school see them on TV.”

“They’re introduced as \”Congressman or Congresswoman\” at public events.

“When they go home they get the best table at Red Lobster on Saturday night-no waiting. People ask for selfies. Some do-gooder quietly pays for dinner. Life is good.”

“They’ll do just about anything to keep from putting the Gold Jacket back on. And sitting in open houses that smell like feet. And paying for their own Lobsterfest dinner. And Little Jimmy Jr.’s chocolate Lava cake.

You see it was never about you & me to begin with….

The Tree House

Let’s be honest, who else would volunteer for the job? We’ve come to a point where the rules of entry exclude any rational human being.

Who among us didn’t tell a regrettable joke in the treehouse at age 13? Go ahead, hurl the first rock, my friend.

Since it’s just you and me talking, I’ll tell you something very private. In the seventh grade I kissed Deedee Collier. Had it all planned out. Planted one right on her mouth. Bam! Only Deedee never saw it coming. It got awkward, even by seventh grade standards. 

I haven’t seen Deedee since the 1980’s. But if I filed papers to run for dog catcher she’d be on with Tucker Carlson or Rachael Maddow this Thursday evening.

And talking heads would confidently opine over my guilt or innocence. 

And #istandwithdeedee would be trending on Facebook and Twitter. 

And my friends and family would suddenly look at me differently. 

And Deedee would sign a book deal with a $1M advance.

As we say in the south, every dog has a few fleas.

Who in their right mind would sign up for that? 

Our Options

So here are our options to lead this country:

1. The self-serving Century 21 agent looking to make a buck.

2. People who never told a regrettable joke in the tree house and never tried to kiss Deedee Collier on the mouth.

In addition to the silliness in Washington, DC, we have the added silliness of the 24 hour news networks. Nearly every story is a “bombshell” or “Breaking News”.

These clowns position themselves as some “moral authority” on our government. They offer color commentary within seconds of any development. Unbiased, of course.

And they have taken a position on the moral high ground. As if these people are a non-profit serving only to inform the public with their vast knowledge. 

Hogwash.

I think we are ten years away from people turning off the “news” entirely. It’s exhausting. It’s not even news anymore. Left, right; conservative, liberal; talking heads who used to be journalists, independently reporting the news. Now they are all salespeople. Selling some disingenuous, angry-mob ideology. All in an effort to drive ad sales. And convince you to buy a MyPillow. Or hire Visiting Angels. Or take Humira. Or buy a Subaru and go camping.

The companies that own these networks make hundreds of millions of dollars every year. The only high-ground these networks can claim is the profitability high ground.

Variety, predicts that Fox News Channel will make $1.32 billion in advertising this year, while CNN will make $773.1 million and MSNBC $723.1 million. 

They present highly polarized stories under the guise of keeping you informed. They will say and do just about anything these days to keep you tuned in. They aren’t selling news. They are selling carefully curated Outrage Porn. 

Tucker Carlson and Rachael Maddow both make millions. They use fake anger to expand their personal brands: books, speaking fees, honorariums, awards, etc. They are the Team Captains. Happy as dead pigs in the sunshine. Effectively splitting this country into one gigantic game of shirts vs. skins. 

The politicians provide the real-world programming for 24/7 news channels: “birther” theories, investigations, impeachment, special counsels, scandals, firings, etc.

Each of these scandals have the staying power of a midsummer mosquito bite. Regardless of the facts, the network mantra is to never waste a scandal if it keeps the viewers tuned in.

The media world becomes a gigantic echo chamber. Meaning they simply copy each other’s work. Then run the same re-packaged stories day-after-day. At least until a new outrage is manufactured. Which is how we got this “news” obsession in the United States.

Stories and outrage are conceived, born and nurtured daily. Here are three of the biggest news stories of 2019, according to Google. We spent all year on these stories. Thousands of hours of Breaking News. Tell me, when is the last time you heard anything about these earth-shattering, major catastrophes:

1. US-China Trade War: Tariffs Will Destroy Our Economy in 2020Result: US and China signed an agreement on January 15, 2020

2. Trump-Russia Collusion: Special Counsel InvestigationResult: On July 24, 2019 Robert Mueller delivered his 400 page, $32M report to Congress. Then nothing.

3. Crises at The Border: Detentions of Child Migrants at the U.S. Border Surges to Record LevelsResult: The last story I can find was written on October 29, 2019. So children were literally dying at the border but it all stopped on a dime in October?

I’m not discounting these stories “in the moment”. Or the tragedy of this photo. But if it’s such a Breaking News crisis, why did they stop covering it?

Do you truly believe any of these smug politicians or Television personalities are genuine? I don’t. Most of them are as crooked as a dog’s hind legs.

They are all selling Outrage Porn. They are all complete narcissistic egomaniacs.  

A New Paradigm

I think we could get to a better place in this country if we set a new paradigm in motion. It’s common sense, but common sense isn’t a flower that grows in everyone’s garden:

Let’s refuse to let the talking heads or the politicians force us to play shirts vs. skins.

Let’s refuse to pass judgement on one another. 

Let’s turn off these wildly profitable, 24-hour News Networks that seek only to divide this country.  

Let’s all agree that we will never, ever let anyone sit in an elected office for more than two terms. Ever. 

Let’s resolve instead to be open, honest & kind to each other. To listen without judgement

That’s it. Very simple. 

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