Five Things the Sandwich Generation Needs to Hear

We are living longer. A lot longer. And, that longevity is throwing a monkey wrench in the system and creating a generation “sandwiched” between their children and their aging parents.

For those in the sandwich generation (sandies), life can often feel like a never-ending game of Whac-A-Mole. Just as you help one family member with a crisis, another one pops up. Welcome to the sandwich generation—the club nobody asked to join, but here we are.

The sandwich generation officially refers to anyone who has a parent 65 or older and a child who is 18 or younger. It can also apply if that child is over 18 but is still enjoying “economic outpatient counseling” (financial support) from their parents. As young people struggle to establish financial independence, they are increasingly reliant on their parents for housing, rent and other forms of “economic outpatient counseling”.

If you’re reading this article, there’s a 1 in 4 chance, according to Pew Research, that you’re part of the sandwich generation. It’s comprised of extremely competent adults who can often feel like they’re barely holding it all together. Caring for children and aging adults takes the logistical skills of an Air Traffic Controller….and, of course, a lot of patience.

Two Common Factors

Two societal trends are driving the explosion in “sandies”. Our kids—who were supposed to grow up, get a job, and move out—are taking their sweet time leaving the nest. Whether it’s student debt, a tough job market, or just a reluctance to embrace adulthood, young adults are more financially dependent on their parents than ever before.

A recent study suggests that between 55% and 58% of young adults 18-24 are still living in a parent’s home. That co-habitation can have emotional, financial and physical strain on families.

Second, people are simply living longer. As parents age, they increasingly look to their adult children for physical, emotional and, often, financial assistance. It seems few people contemplated living longer than expected.

Seems odd considering that the best stock market returns in history occurred during a twenty year stretch from 1980-2000. The S&P 500 delivered an astounding 17.8% annualized rate of return. At that rate of return, money doubled every 4.4 years.

If you invested $20,000 in 1980 and it earned a consistent 17% annual return for 20 years, you would have approximately $449,000 by 2000. Not too shabby.

Age and gravity are undefeated, so far. The people who once cared for you now need help remembering doctor’s appointments, paying bills, and sometimes even basic daily tasks. At times it can often feel like aging parents and their children are trading places with each other.

That care typically begins with simple help doing mundane tasks. But, oftentimes, it can progress into providing nursing care in one form or another.

While we love our children and our parents, the combination of everyone’s needs can be financially straining. The cost of professional at-home care has exploded. Depending on your location, a home health aid can run between $48,000-$72,000 per year. Skilled Nursing care can easily run into six figures.

The average cost of a private nursing home room is now over $100,000 per year.

The logical solution, of course, is to just throw more money at the problem. Except, oh wait—you’re supposed to be saving for your own retirement. But how do you prioritize your own future when you’re busy covering tuition, helping with health expenses and keeping the lights on for your children and your parents?

The harsh reality: many people in the sandwich generation are burning through their savings just trying to keep up. In addition to the financial strain, the emotional weight can be next-level exhausting.

Everything, Everywhere all at Once

Somewhere in between helping your parents with their healthcare, running interference on your kids’ financial struggles, and trying to keep your own career afloat, you’re supposed to maintain a personal life. Hobbies? Friendships? A functional marriage? Most “sandies” feel like they’re constantly on call, with no real time for themselves.

Even if money weren’t an issue (it is), and even if you were emotionally thriving (you’re not), there’s still the problem of time.

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Caring for kids and an aging parent isn’t just about paying for care—it’s about showing up. It’s about driving them to doctor’s appointments, making sure they’re eating well, and helping them navigate the ever-confusing world of insurance, prescription drugs and Medicare.

What’s the Solution, Tom?

If you think I’m about to offer you the magic bullet, super-secret solution to solve this generational conundrum, you’re about to be disappointed. There’s no magic fix here. But if you’re feeling the squeeze, there are some ways to make it a little more bearable.

1. Start Talking Early

Most people avoid talking about money, aging, and long-term care until it’s too late. If your parents are still in decent health, now is the time to talk about their financial situation, their wishes, and how they want to handle their later years. It’s uncomfortable, but future-you will be grateful.

2. Set Boundaries (Even When It Feels Impossible)

You can’t be everything to everyone all the time. Sometimes, you have to say no. No, you can’t cover every expense. No, you can’t be available 24/7. No, you can’t magically fix every problem. And that’s okay.

3. Get Help (Because You Can’t Do It Alone)

There’s no shame in hiring help if you can afford it. Caregivers, financial advisors, even therapists—having a support system in place can make a world of difference. If money is tight, look into community resources and support groups. You don’t have to shoulder this alone.

4. Prioritize Your Own Future

It’s tempting to put your own retirement savings on the back burner, but don’t. Your future self doesn’t want to be a financial burden on your kids. Do what you can to keep investing in your own security, even if it means making some tough choices now.

5. Lose the Guilt

Lastly, the most important advice is to stop feeling guilty about everything. You are doing the best you can and nobody is judging you.

Thats it, the five things the sandwich generation needs to hear. I know it’s a tough conversation to have, but future you will be grateful.

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