Spending Our Way to Mediocre Happiness

Despite low unemployment, increasing wages and strong real estate values, American happiness is more elusive than a pair of Taylor Swift tickets.

A recent survey from the University of Chicago validates our malaise.  Americans are more miserable than they’ve been in over half a century. Our unhappiness matches the feeling in 2009 when the economy was dropping faster than Uncle Eddie’s net worth.

This collective misery is partially driven by the economy. Everything is more expensive. A lot more expensive. I find myself making most purchasing decisions based purely on price.

I’m not an economist, but my spidey senses tell me that once the price of my fav toothpaste goes up it isn’t going down. That’s depressing, especially if you are living paycheck to paycheck.

During the pandemic, people reduced their credit card debt to historic levels (see below). But, despite growing inflation, people are now spending money like drunken sailors. American credit card debt is rising to levels not seen since the turn of the century.

See, when we’re unhappy we buy things to make ourselves feel better. Even if we don’t have the money. Some folks call it “retail therapy”. But, when times are tough we choose less expensive options. The advertising world knows this strategery as Premium Mediocrity. Just watch any episode of Mad Men to learn more.

I first learned about Premium Mediocrity from a guy named Venkatesh Rao.

Premium Mediocrity is all about the illusion of exclusivity. Critics might argue that my writing is Premium Mediocrity. There’s an illusion of exclusivity-and it’s sometimes mediocre.

According to Rao, “Premium mediocre is the finest bottle of wine at Olive Garden. Premium mediocre is “truffle” oil on anything fried and extra-leg-room seats in Economy.”

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Instant Exclusivity

Today, if you have a mediocre product you can try to create a viral Instagram campaign. Or, you can simply hire a celeb to post a pic of themselves using your mediocre product on Instagram. Singer Beyoncé’ will pimp your mediocre product for a cool $1M per Instagram post. She’ll do a personal appearance for $4M. In comparison, Kim Kardashian will pimp your mediocre product for only $200K per post. So, that makes Kim Kardashian the premium mediocre version of Beyoncé’s beehive. 

So, why do we do this? Why do we buy things to impress people we don’t even know? We do it because we like the image of ourselves using the same stuff Beyoncé’ uses—more than we like the product or experience itself.

We do it cause we crave the admiration of total strangers. Cause, deep down, we all have a primal desire to be liked and respected. We do it cause we are on a hedonic treadmill, pursuing one pleasure after another-even if it’s an illusion. And, lastly, we do it because Social Media is all about comparison.

I’m about to share my favorite examples of Premium Mediocrity. To win a free case of Kirkland Signature Pinot Noir wine, send me your best example below.

My Personal List of Premium Mediocre Things

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about Premium Mediocrity, as the stomach bug worked it’s way through my house. Here’s my partial list and I’m hopeful you’ll add to it in the comments section below. 

Premium Mediocrity is any kind of furniture that comes in a box and requires you to put it together with an enclosed Allen wrench. It’s furniture that looks better in the store than it does in your place. You know it won’t survive your next move but you buy it anyway.

Premium Mediocrity is any category of Uber that is less expensive than the black car. Not to sound snobby, but the extra six bucks is worth not having to sit on an old French fry and wonder if the car owner has ever replaced her brake pads.

Premium Mediocrity is ordering the Live Maine lobster (with the bib) at the Red Lobster. Cause, as we all know, lobster is simply delivery system for drawn butter. And, when you really think about it lobsters have no fins. That means they can’t swim. It’s basically the world’s largest cockroach crawling on the floor of the planet’s largest toilet bowl.

Premium Mediocrity is any product sold by Gwyneth Paltrow.  And, certainly any scented candle that smells like a body part. Cause nothing says rest and relaxation like the calming aroma of a human body part on fire. You know the one I’m talking about. 

Premium Mediocrity is any wine or special craft cocktail sold on an airplane. Cause nothing says exclusivity more than a $9 cocktail in a four ounce plastic cup at 35,000 feet. If it somehow raises money for a charity, that’s a double dose of mediocrity.

Premium Mediocrity is any kind of salt that doesn’t come in a round blue box with a girl holding an umbrella. That includes Premium Himalayan Pink Salt, Hawaiian Black Salt, Gray Salt, Truffle Salt, etc. I hate to break it to you but it’s just salt that costs ten times more than Morton’s Iodized.

Premium Mediocrity is any product that labels itself “meat” but didn’t originate from an animal with lips. Not that I have a problem with vegetarians, I just don’t want any pea protein isolate, expeller-pressed canola oil or coconut oil in my burger. Seriously, that stuff just isn’t good for you.

Premium Mediocrity is any cabin on an airplane that charges you more for something you should have received for free. The Airlines love this move. Simply moving the passenger closer to First Class cabin but not into the First Class cabin is the ultimate Premium Mediocrity flex. 

Premium Mediocrity is any grocery store sushi.

Premium Mediocrity is organic fruits and vegetables. They cost twice as much as the regular stuff and it looks half as good. I think the organic stuff is just the unripe or banged up inorganic stuff.

Premium Mediocrity is the MyPillow. It’s the pillow hocked on TV by Sideshow Bob in the dark blue shirt. It’s cut up chunks of foam in a bag. It’s not even comfortable. It offers very little support and it’s costs about 40 bucks.

Premium Mediocrity is haute couture. You know, fashion shows where models are dressed in silly outfits to show the genius of the designer? Seriously, does anyone really take this stuff seriously outside of New York and LA?

So what about you? Can you think of other things that are mediocrely premium? If so, I’d like to hear about it below. I love hearing from my readers.

And, one more thing, do me a favor and share this story with a few friends, right after you leave a comment below.  

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Don’t forget to send your best example of Premium Mediocrity to win a free case of Kirkland Signature Pinot Noir wine. You can’t win if you don’t play.

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