We’re All Just Trying to Matter

In 2006 actress Reese Witherspoon was awarded the Oscar for her epic role as June Carter Cash in Walk the Line. In her acceptance speech, she summarized her thoughts on her career.

The key word in that 2006 speech is matter. Witherspoon was just named by Forbes as The World’s Richest Actress, with a net worth of $440 million. I’d say that’s enough good work (and cash) to matter for a lifetime.

Trying to matter can be an inspiration for an enormous amount of goodness. However, it can be a curse if we spend our entire lives trying to matter for the wrong reasons. 

That misplaced focus can fuel a lot of bad decisions. Like growing a sweet mullet for your senior picture.

Anyway, that desire to matter never really goes away.  In fact, for some, that desire to matter grows over time—like gasoline tossed on a smoldering campfire. It can explode into a blazing inferno of chasing money, power, influence, and fame. (More on that in 60 seconds.)

The French Revolution

In the years leading up to the French Revolution, France operated under a rigid hierarchical system known as the Ancien Régime.

Under this system, you were born into your social class and you stayed in that class forever. If your father was a commoner and a stone mason, then you were born a commoner and a stone mason.

Their dreams of being a Court Jester may have been dashed, but they knew from birth it wasn’t going to happen. Yes, they toiled in a dead-end job with no chance of upward mobility, but imagine being perfectly content in that job.

Envision yourself knowing that the last three generations of men in your family worked on a cathedral that will stand for thousands of years, long after you are gone. That the stones laid earlier were laid by your Grandfather. That the final stones will be laid by your grandsons. Pretty cool, huh?

With your job and social status fixed for life, the expectations for your life were low. You weren’t expected to play up, take chances, or hit it big. 

Taking Fewer Risks

Taking few risks meant avoiding personal embarrassment from failure. The only way to matter was to build something extraordinary that would outlast your time on earth.

I often wonder whether people were happier under that strict social hierarchy. Sure, they were stuck banging rocks together, but they learned a valuable tradecraft. Their dreams of being a Court Jester may have been dashed, but they knew from birth it wasn’t going to happen.

Yes, they toiled in a dead-end job with no chance of upward mobility, but imagine being perfectly content in that job. Envision yourself knowing that the last three generations of men in your family worked on a cathedral that will stand for thousands of years, long after you are gone. Pretty cool, huh?

Today’s Youth

I’m fairly confident that today’s youth might see this a bit differently. Our kids are filled with messages from birth that they can do anything. In 1990, a famous doctor wrote a book on the subject:

Yet, despite all this flexibility, our young adults are more anxious and depressed than ever. Would they be better off if their future was predestined? Maybe.

Let’s get back to the point. Why are we all hardwired to live on the struggle bus and spend our lives trying to matter? Because if you matter in this world, there is a great likelihood that you are wielding some level of power.

For example, Reese Witherspoon recently sold her fashion design company, Draper James, to a Private Equity firm for an undisclosed amount of money.

The sale of Draper James came two years after Ms. Witherspoon sold her enormously successful media company, Hello Sunshine, to Blackstone Private Equity for $900 million. That kind of success and power is more addictive than heroin.

The Power Hungry

Some people seek power to have more control over their lives and to genuinely help others. That’s the healthy kind of power. Others seek power purely for the money, influence and fame. That’s often the unhealthy kind of power.

Otherwise, how can you explain why two, cranky octogenarians are heading for another showdown for the White House next year?

I wrote an unbiased article about the election here. No, in reality, each of these men likely wants to retain or regain power—and not the healthy kind.

Power & Sex

It makes you wonder if any of these power-seeking politicians in Washington, DC have a real life. Their spouse, children, faith, and pets are often props used to facilitate, well, more power.

Their entire identity is built on a foundation of sand, not rock. It’s all based on the power and influence they wield. I can imagine that once you feel that kind of power, it’s very hard to live without it. But, how flimsy that power must feel in the quiet moments of their lives.

The late Henry Kissinger gave us a unique perspective on power in 1973. When someone wondered aloud what the pasty, overweight Secretary of State under Richard Nixon was doing with Hollywood actress Jill St. John, he wryly responded: “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”

Once you’ve had a taste of the ultimate aphrodisiac, some will do nearly anything to get it back. It’s one of the reasons you often see former high-profile politicians get into so much trouble.

To put all your eggs in one basket is to bet the farm (and the chickens) that the eggs won’t spoil somehow.  It’s a gentle reminder that everything on earth will eventually rot or rust. It all ends—especially money, power, influence, and fame.

The Big Finish

Okay, let’s pull all this together and see if I can nail the big finish. First, trying to matter (for the right reasons) can be the inspiration for an enormous amount of goodness. Second, trying to matter purely for the money, power, influence or fame can lead to some epicly dumb decisions. Third, young adults today are trying harder to matter than any other generation before them. And, they’re the most anxious and depressed generation in history. Lastly, as Secretary Kissinger once said, “power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Once you’ve tasted that level of power, you’ll do just about anything to get it back.

As we turn the corner into the new year, take a fresh look at why you do what you do. Are you trying to matter? Is it for the right reasons? If not, consider changing direction before you end up making some epicly bad decisions yourself.

^{I’m Tom Greene and I’m on a mission to empower 1M people to live a more intentional and fulfilling life. If you want to start enriching your life with conversations about the things that really matter, join 25K people who already subscribe to Wit & Wisdom.}