With Family, Friends, Music, & Dogs

“Jimmy Buffett passed away peacefully on the night of September 1st, surrounded by family, friends, music, and dogs. He lived his life like a song until the very last breath.”

That was the announcement that rocked Parrot Heads around the world on September 2nd. (Jimmy’s most ardent fans were known as Parrot Heads.)

If I’m being honest, there’s something in the photo below that announced his passing that touched me. I suppose it’s seeing Jimmy doing what he loved in his last few days on earth.

Or, perhaps it’s the weathered look of quiet contentment on his face, as if he knew his time was drawing near. Do you see it?

“Mother, Mother Ocean, I have heard your call. Wanted to sail upon your waters, since I was 3 feet tall.”

I get the sense Jimmy had thought long and hard about his final days. He had cancer and was not well. I’m betting he envisioned going out exactly as he did, with family, friends, and dogs at his bedside—with music in his ears and joyful voices in the air.

All this raises an important question:

How do you want to die?

Would you prefer it to be a complete surprise or a long, drawn-out affair; a painless accident, or a peaceful and calm drifting away with your mind quieted by the images of memories created with the people who love you most? Take a minute to ponder how you want to go out. We’ll wait…

Okay, let me guess—all this talk about death is making you a little uncomfortable. (Some of you probably stopped reading already…you know who you are.)

Today, we’ve cured most of the stuff that used to be lethal, so people don’t often die as young, and death, in general, is infrequent. The infrequency of death makes the subject strange and uncomfortable, which is why talking about it is disquieting for us. It’s wholly unfamiliar.

I bet the person who would call the police is following my podcast on Spotify,Apple iTunes, iHeart Radio, or wherever they get their podcasts. See what I did there?

Part of living is contemplating how you want to die. A Living Will is a legal document outlining your treatment preferences in the event that you are incapacitated.

Without a Living Will, your family’s final memory of you might be doctors jamming a breathing tube down your throat, violently breaking your ribs with CPR compressions, and shocking your body numerous times. Not a great final memory of PeePaw’s last day on earth.

Theoretically, the Living Will provides guidance and direction to the hospital and to your family members. However, it’s woefully inadequate.

Imagine a life-and-death decision having to be made in the hospital. Your family is gathered around the bed, trying to interpret a complicated medical scenario and understand legal terms like “a high degree of medical certainty” and “irreversible condition.” Everyone is tired and emotional and anxious; it’s a recipe for a lifetime of guilt and worry if things don’t go as planned, and they rarely do.

The Conversation Project® is a public engagement initiative of the Institute for Healthcare Improvement (IHI). The goal is both simple and transformative—to help people openly discuss dying and document their personal preferences.

The following is an excerpt from a letter written by a Conversation Project participant to her family.

Fittingly, Jimmy Buffett met his wife Jane in Key West, Florida in 1977. The Buffets were married for 46 years and had three children together—a rare thing in an industry full of broken marriages.

According to Jane, Jimmy’s last words to her were, “Have fun”. She described their final hours together as “a beautiful goodbye.” How fitting that Jimmy died how he lived, surrounded by friends and family with music in his ears.

Alrighty, let’s revisit the four main points we’ve learned here. First, it’s clear that we are wholly uncomfortable with the topic of our own death. Take a minute to contemplate what the ideal end of your life might look like. Where are you? Who is there? Are you more interested in heroic measures and last-ditch efforts to save your life, like CPR and intubation, or would you prefer to let nature take its course, comfortable in your own bed, surrounded by family, friends, music and pets? Second, be sure to share your personal preferences with those closest to you, preferably in writing; the Conversation Project® can help with that. Third, establish a Living Will to legally prescribe your preferences. Lastly, go pull up some of Jimmy Buffet’s greatest hits. His music is magical in its ability to transport us to a happier place and time—a paradise of cheeseburgers and family, of friends, laughter, and music. And, of course, a really good margarita.

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