Are Some People Just Afraid of Being Happy?

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to thrive on being angry? They always seem to be upset about something. The problem is that they’re afraid of happiness.

The fear of happiness is a phenomenon where individuals experience anxiety or guilt when they anticipate or experience happiness—as if it’s not fair to be happy when others are suffering.

Or maybe they’re so afraid of disappointment that they genuinely fear the feeling of happiness. So, they just stay unhappy all the time to reduce their guilt and risk. Oftentimes these folks take pleasure in shaming people for not being angry enough about an injustice?

I think we can both agree that constantly projecting unhappiness isn’t a great way to find, you know, happiness.

The Bad News Bears

To be sure, there’s lots of stuff to be unhappy about right now. There is a near-constant stream of bad news and disturbing information. For some folks, that feeling of unhappiness becomes a source of energy. After all, we tend to crave what we feed ourselves most.

Some people seem to crave bad news.

Many of these individuals see the news as black or white—either good or bad—while the rest of us understand that assessing the world isn’t as simple as that. There is a tremendous amount of gray area involved.

Without an appreciation for the gray areas and an understanding that the world is a complicated place, some will dwell on the wrong things. It’s why you were taught as a child to glance, not gaze, at the sun.

Yes, the planet is warming. Yes, there are a bunch of people shooting at each other around the world. Yes, thousands of people have lost everything in the North Carolina storms and California wildfires.

It’s heartbreaking.

But the simple truth is that life is rarely completely good or completely bad. So, you can’t spend your entire life feeling guilty or afraid of being happy—especially over things outside of your control.

The “Unhappiness Chemical”

Feeling guilty or afraid of being happy is often fueled by an excess supply of the neurochemical cortisol.

Cortisol is produced by the adrenal glands' cortex and is released gradually through the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. It provides a sustained stress response, helping the body maintain energy and cope with prolonged stress. Cortisol increases blood sugar, suppresses non-essential bodily functions, and generally makes you feel like this guy.

If you’re unhappy all the time, your brain continuously floods your system with cortisol. You can think of cortisol as the “unhappiness chemical”. Its goal is to make you feel bad so that you’ll take action. It creates a constant level of anxiety and agitation.

Your brain's goal is to find a way to eliminate the "bad" or "unhappy" feeling. Unfortunately, it also has a history of turning to unhealthy behaviors in an attempt to do so. However, these behaviors don't actually reduce cortisol levels—they merely mask them, providing only temporary relief.

Fight or Flight

That cortisol can be a precursor to the arrival of adrenaline. When adrenaline shows up, she’s smoking unfiltered Camel lung darts and drinking warm tequila from a plastic bottle. It’s go-time.

Adrenaline is produced by the adrenal glands' medulla and is released almost immediately when you experience a threatening situation. It produces that "fight or flight" sensation.

Both hormones are crucial for survival, helping humans and animals respond effectively to perceived threats or challenges.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

These two seemingly unrelated hormones are actually complementary. Think of cortisol as a half-caf grande latte. It’s stimulating but is more of an extended-release formula.

For example, if you’re hunting rattlesnakes, you’d want your body to release cortisol to properly arm yourself for a dangerous task. You want your body to exhibit a high level of energy and you’d want your heart rate and senses elevated.

But, if you happen to step on the rattlesnake you’ll want your brain to release the world’s largest blast of adrenaline. Enough to lift you off the ground. Adrenaline is like a triple shot of espresso. Its fast-acting effects are almost immediate—albeit short-lived.

Booze it Up!

You can probably guess how most of us deal with higher levels of cortisol. Think: booze, overeating, overworking, isolating ourselves, and abusing substances. All of these are effective (yet unhealthy) ways to mask that cortisol “feeling.”

If cortisol is the “unhappiness chemical,” then dopamine is the “happiness chemical.” Dopamine is your brain’s reward chemical and the antidote to high cortisol. It turns us into Pavlov’s dog.

Cortisol leads to reduced feelings of pleasure from normal activities. So, we start looking for quick hits of the happiness chemical dopamine from things like social media, alcohol, sugary foods, etc.

The problem is that the body has an insatiable appetite for dopamine. It’s like eating M&M’s candies—the more you eat, the more you want. The more dopamine your brain releases, the more dopamine you crave.

The Big Finish

Yes, there are some people who live in a constant state of anxiety or agitation from abnormally high levels of cortisol. They seem to be happy being unhappy. They rejoice in the wallowing and cover their car in bumper stickers.

But, here’s the thing: we humans can do two things at once. We can feel compassion for people’s suffering and still embrace the joy in life. Being joyful doesn’t mean you’re ignorant of the world’s troubles. 

Being joyful means you’re an ordinary, healthy adult who is resilient in the midst of a world that is often suffering. Fortunately, compassion doesn’t require us to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. It also doesn’t require us to solve all the world’s problems before we can enjoy a little peace and happiness in our own lives.

Do you have something to add to this conversation? I’d love to hear from you. I write purely for the joy of making new friends, so please reach out and tell me what’s on your mind. Click the button below to start a conversation with me. I read and respond to ALL comments. 

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