Why We Suck at Authenticity

The story about Nick Marshall’s tragic suicidewas read by 36,143 people. Many were moved to tears by the heartbreaking story. Reporters called. The Governor of Georgia re-tweeted with the hashtag #nothingbeatsnice. All in 13 days.

(If you haven’t shared the story please click here and share on Facebook.)

I heard from people all over the world, from Akron to Azerbaijan. And, not just about suicide. They unloaded about depression, anxiety, addictions…. Each had a tough story to share; about themselves or a friend or a family member.

It’s as if the entire world is looking for an opportunity to talk.

A few days later I saw this on Facebook. It’s from an old friend that I lost touch with after high school.

A high school student who read the story reacted by posting this on Instagram.

We often complain about the next generation. I think they’ll be just fine. Perhaps we are the ones we should worry about. Chew on that one for a minute.

No Formal Training

I’m not a pastor or a therapist. I only took two Psychology classes in college. And in the words of William Hung, “I have no formal training”.

For a regular guy with a demanding day-job, all this authenticity was unnerving. The sheer volume of emails, phone calls and text messages was overwhelming.

Smart people call this kind of reaction “cultivated authenticity”. Much like having to cultivate the soil to grow healthy crops, apparently we have to cultivate the perfect environment for people to be authentic. Really authentic.

So I guess authenticity is really just the first cousin of genuine and honest.

Me First

Since it’s just you and me talking, I’ll be genuine and honest first. Fearless. Then you can go next. Okay?

Here goes: sometimes when I’m in my car all alone. And I’m positive that nobody is watching or listening…windows rolled up:

I listen to Taylor Swift. 

Examining Authenticity

It is relatively easy to determine the authenticity of physical things. Especially with items like precious metals, autographs, stone-ground grits and rare documents. Just watch an episode of Antiques Roadshow on PBS. Those nerds can sniff out a fake from twenty feet. 

You just can’t put feathers on a dog and call it a chicken.  

The closest thing we have for determining authenticity in humans is The Dr. Phil Show. Don’t you just love when he rips into someone? Someone who doesn’t know whether to scratch their watch or wind their butt?

But other than Dr. Phil, there is no objective test for measuring how phony people are.

Inauthenticity

In fact, a lot of folks are trying not to be authentic. People carefully craft superficial personas and post them to Social Media. I guess these personas are an amalgamation of who they’d like to be. Or what they envy in other people’s lives. These personas are the opposite of fearless. And a long way from authentic.

Do you really think these perfectly curated digital personas are legit? Me neither. People are trying to fool everyone, including themselves.

It’s rare that an adult posts something truly authentic. You’ll never see the following post on Facebook.

But you’ll see all sorts of photos of little Timmy Jackson playing soccer. Timmy getting a Merit Badge at Boy Scouts. Timmy winning the swim meet. That little Timmy is the perfect kid, at least according to his mother’s Facebook and Insta feed. 

That’s why social media is the gateway drug. It’s a comparison trap. And the trap is baited with envy and inauthenticity.

Perhaps if we engage people superficially we only get what we give. And if we engage people fearlessly we get true authenticity in response. Honesty begets honesty. Makes sense to me. I extended my hand. And people came out of the woodwork.

Being brutally honest and sharing frightening or unflattering things about our lives is difficult. Particularly when everyone seems to be living these perfect Instagram lives.

But don’t you think that brutal honesty is the healthier option? I do. So does Mister Rogers.

Frankly if you got hit by a bus tomorrow, your funeral would be held before Saturday. Do you really think any of your Facebook “friends” would jet across the country to attend the service? Me neither.

Professional Honesty

Last week, Philadelphia Eagles offensive lineman Brandon Brooks added tremendous value to the world. And it wasn’t the result of an amazing block or a fumble recovery. He actually left Sunday’s game early.

You see, he left the game due to nausea and vomiting from anxiety. And he was brutally honest about it.

You can watch a 90 second interview with Brooks below. It’s worth the 90 seconds of your time.

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Brooks later tweeted this:

The Simple Truth

The simple truth is that being authentic takes the loneliness out of the struggle. That makes sense to me, but I wrote it.

Being authentic is the equivalent of flossing our teeth. We know it’s good for us. We just don’t do it as often as we should.

So if authenticity is so great, why aren’t we better at it? I’m glad you asked. Next time we meet I’ll share the answer in Seven Obstaclfes to Authenticity.

In the meantime, could you do me a solid and re-post the Nick Marshall story on Facebook? Nick’s Mom & Dad wanna get it to 50,000 people by December 15, 2019.

Click to Share on Facebook 

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