Five Key Pillars of a Happy Life

Visit any major metropolitan city and you’ll see them everywhere: Fully Self Driving (FSD) Waymo vehicles with nobody behind the wheel. Now imagine sitting in the back seat without knowing the destination. You have zero control of the speed or direction of travel. The “computer” makes turn after turn with no driver and no explanation. Hitting pothole after pothole. In frustration, you stop trying to figure it out. You’re just along for the ride. Soon enough you no longer recognize anything out the window. You are lost, my friend.

I think we can both agree that nobody likes feeling lost. It’s part of the reason why we might struggle with giving up control of travel to a computer on wheels. But, it’s coming.

When you feel you’re stuck in a driverless vehicle, it’s best to focus on what you can control: the five key pillars of happiness.

Pillar #1. Focus on Faith, Family, Friendship & Work that Serves Others

The reality of life is that the more successful you are, the sadder you are likely to be later. Why? As success wanes-as it inevitably does-our sense of identity, satisfaction, and purpose often diminishes, leading individuals to feel less important and less valuable.

Arthur Brooks refers to this as “the striver’s curse” in his book, From Strength to Strength: How to Find Success and Fulfillment in the Second Half of Life. The higher people climb, the more attached they become to success. Then, of course, the harder they fall when success ultimately begins to fade.

Brooks suggests that if you attempt to boil down the vast ocean of research on happiness and fulfillment, you’ll find that success is not part of the formula. The happiest people are committed to faith, family, friendship, and work that serves others. It’s the best antidote to feeling lost.

Pillar #2. Plan to Thrive Before You Die

I think we can all agree that the goal during our time on Earth is to thrive, so that at the end of the road, we are full of memories and experiences that leave us satisfied with the journey. That’s the premise of Bill Perkins’ book, Die with Zero and a philosophy we should all consider. The book is about making the most of your adventure on Earth before it’s too late.

See, we all think that life remains static over time, that we will always have more time later, and that our friends and family will always be there. They won’t. Friends come and go, children grow up and move away, and people we care about get sick and die. Life is in constant flux. Create those “memory dividends” early, so you’ll have a library of experiences to enjoy as you age.

If you are 50 years old today, you only have a 50% chance of living to see age 80. So, start spending that nest egg today before you start chugging the Metamucil and Geritol.

Pillar #3. Your Happiness Peaks Betweem 18-20 Years Old

Our happiness peaks at around 18-20 years old and starts a steep decline. In our 40s, most people begin to realize that life is pretty good, even if they aren’t Taylor Swift or Patrick Mahomes. Our happiness slide begins to bottom out, and we start a steep climb out of the pit of despair.

In our 50s, we begin to recognize our blessings and acknowledge our own mortality. We practice a little more gratitude over what we have and hold. Our happiness slide begins to bottom out, and we start a steep climb out of the pit of despair, realizing that life’s not so bad after all. And, guess what? It only gets better from there. So if you’re lost, hang in there. It only gets better from here.

Pillar #4. Delay, Delay, Delay Gratification

People who learn to manage their need for immediate gratification will thrive more in their careers, relationships, health, and fitness—but it’s hard. We aren’t wired to delay our gratification, and today, we are surrounded by more temptation than a toddler in a candy aisle.

According to studies by psychologist Daniel Kahneman, “Humans consistently overestimate the value or pleasure of what they don’t have and underestimate the pain or loss of losing something they do have.” That kind of thinking is what causes us to do dumb stuff, especially when we feel lost.

Pillar #5: Embrace the Solitude

We are surrounded by chattering voices. The talking heads on the news channels, the podcasts and the near constant buzzing and pinging of smartphones. There is simply no time—no time for quiet contemplation, no time for reflection, no time to practice gratitude when we feel lost.

Enlightenment comes from being in the present moment, expanding your understanding of life and the world around you, and growing your awareness. It’sthe reason why Jesus Christ, Moses, and Mohammed went on their own spiritual walkabouts. It seemed to work for them.

I wrote more about this topic in a piece called “The Power of Personal Solitude.”

Alrighty, we’ve learned a lot here today about the secrets of a happy life. Let’s do a quick summary of the five lessons. First,focus on faith, family, friendship, and work that serves others. Second, plan to thrive before you die. Third, your happiness peaks early and late. Fourth, delay, delay, delay gratification. Fifth, embrace the solitude. Keep these in mind for those times when you’re feeling lost. Or if you ever find yourself in the back seat of a driverless vehicle headed nowhere.

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